Dusty Dad vs. Dope Dad Video Goes Viral—and Right here’s Why

Instagram creator Eric Taylor is a “dope dad.” That’s to not be confused with what he calls a “dusty dad,” which is the polar reverse.

In the event you’ve by no means heard of the “dusty” reference, it’s a time period that has been floating round social media for some time now. Whether or not it’s discussing “dusty sons,” and now “dusty dads,” it’s clear it’s not thought of a very good factor. 

In a current viral Instagram reel, Taylor was type sufficient to behave out the variations between a dope and dusty dad, particularly in relation to what occurs when every kind will get dwelling from work.

The distinction is stark and hilarious. 

Dusty dad walks in and instantly calls for dinner, shouting “What do you imply it’s not prepared?!” Dope dad heads for the kitchen, able to “whip it up” himself. 

Dusty dad drops his footwear and jacket proper onto the clear flooring. Dope dad places every part away neatly, virtually as if he additionally has a shared curiosity in the home staying tidy. 

Dusty dad blows off the children so he can get slightly alone time (fiddling together with his telephone on the bathroom). Dope dad wraps them in a giant hug and lets them know the way blissful he’s to be dwelling.

Taylor captioned the video, which has over 2.5 million views: “Household and residential are workforce sports activities! Everyone contributes, all people works, all people loves.”

In different phrases? It’s 2024, and we’re not right here for dads dragging their ft at dwelling and with the children anymore, irrespective of how busy and drained they’re. Taylor’s serving to to boost the bar and encourage a greater technology of males—to not point out give us just a few laughs alongside the way in which.

Inequity at Dwelling Nonetheless Exists

Whereas the response to the video was largely optimistic, many commenters took concern with the premise of the skit. “In the event you’re doing all this and your spouse doesn’t work, what does she do all day?” one commenter wrote, reminding everybody that caring for the home and children all day lengthy nonetheless isn’t seen as actual work by lots of people.

So, clearly, inequity in households stays an issue, even in 2024.

Marriage and household therapist Rachel Goldberg, MS, MFT, founding father of Rachel Goldberg Remedy Studio, says many {couples} make an effort to attain higher stability—actually, they do—however modifications don’t all the time stick as a result of the concept ladies ought to care for the home tasks is so deeply ingrained in each events. 

A Gallup ballot confirms ladies in heterosexual relationships are nonetheless taking over majority of family tasks, similar to laundry, cleansing the home, and making ready meals.

“Ladies typically find yourself caring for duties they know their husbands will procrastinate on or not execute nicely,” says Goldberg. “This results in a cycle the place, regardless of good intentions from each events, they fall again into previous patterns.”

Plus, many dads have extremely demanding jobs exterior of the house, which implies they don’t have lots of time and power left after they stroll again by means of the door. However, lots of mothers have demanding jobs, too, and it’s by no means been an excuse for them. So, how can all of us come collectively and determine this out? How can we break the cycle?

How Working Dads Can Do Higher (Or Be Extra Dope)

Communication is essential, says Goldberg. Dad, or whichever guardian is working exterior of the home, must be sincere and real looking about how a lot time they will contribute to sure duties earlier than and after work. That may assist mother and father work collectively to prioritize what duties is likely to be most useful.

It’s additionally vital for each events to be versatile. Work calls for and schedules can change, and so can the wants of the children and the family. Mother and father need to hold speaking to one another commonly about how issues are getting executed and the place slack must be picked up.

However as Taylor’s video exhibits, an important tip for the following technology of dads who need to do higher at house is to alter their mindset. (Keep in mind: dope, not dusty!) In a single remark, Taylor wrote about home duties, “It’s not all dad’s job, it’s additionally not all mother’s job. It’s a workforce effort.”

The video jogged my memory of how my spouse and I consistently speak about not retaining rating. She doesn’t “owe me” for doing the dishes and I don’t owe her for going to select up the children. Once we cease attempting to go tit-for-tat and simply deal with getting issues executed as a workforce and choosing one another up, we’re a lot happier.

The very fact is that being a stay-at-home guardian is tough. Being a working guardian is tough. Being someplace within the center is tough. The previous dividing traces—the place one guardian makes the cash and the opposite takes care of the house and children—simply don’t work anymore.

And it’s OK to not be excellent, so long as we’re attempting to enhance and help our accomplice and children one of the best we will. Not less than, that’s the boring means of claiming it. Taylor put it higher when he replied to a commenter who admitted seeing himself in each kinds of dad.

“We aren’t all the time dusty or all the time dope,” Taylor says. “Lengthy as we’re leaning in the direction of the dope recreation.”