Thursday, December 26, 2024
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Smarten Up And Dumb It Again Down – Bike Snob NYC

VanMoof bicycles have at all times made information.

In 2011, then-general supervisor Jasmijn Rijcken alleged that an NYPD officer stopped her on the Brooklyn Bridge for biking in a skirt:

On the time lots of people thought this was a publicity stunt–me included–although on reflection I type of really feel unhealthy about that since perhaps the NYPD officer was hitting on her and one ought to by no means underestimate how sleazy males could be. Nonetheless, I nonetheless blame VanMoof, who had very a lot been utilizing intercourse to promote bicycles, and who previous to that had despatched me this e-mail, which nonetheless provides me the douche chills:

Right here’s the video, by the best way:

So I don’t know what to imagine, besides that Willemeike and that NYPD officer ought to most likely hit it off.

Then in 2016 VanMoof debuted their “Sensible Bike.” They have been definitely among the many first corporations to include all kinds of digital know-how into their bikes, and I used to be definitely among the many first to level out that this was silly:

Subsequent, in 2021, VanMoof introduced the “Hyperbike:”

Unsurprisingly, ‘roided-out e-bikes did completely nothing to exchange automobiles, however they’re doing a implausible job of destroying the bike lane community–even in Amsterdam, apparently:

All of that is to say that I’m not precisely damaged up over VanMoof’s current chapter, and whereas I hate to say I instructed you so…properly, for those who purchased one among these items and now remorse it, sorry, however I instructed you so:

I imply look, it sucks to spend a lot of cash on a flowery e-bike after which need to journey 90 miles to see a “Bike Physician:”

However there’s a technique to keep away from that, and it’s NOT BUYING A BICYCLE THAT RUNS ON FUCKING BATTERIES.

It’s a automobile substitute till something goes fallacious with it, then it’s a street journey.

Hey, I’ve mentioned it earlier than, nevertheless it bears repeating: The bicycle is probably the most environment friendly type of transport ever devised by humankind, and it makes about as a lot sense to complicate it with batteries and electronics because it does to make a “good broom:”

And sure, in fact you should buy a sensible broom:

It’s 2024 and also you now want an battery-powered broom and an educational video to only sweep a couple of bits of paper up off the ground:

Now that’s progress.

As for me, all my bike are dumb, not good, and that’s the best way I prefer it:

This weekend I headed out for a 30-mile journey into the “nation” (suburbs), after which straight again into city to run an errand, and I couldn’t have requested for something extra out of this bike, least of all a battery that requires a Bike Physician and an built-in climate alert:

Certain, I’m getting older, and perhaps someday I’ll want that e-assist, however for now if I wish to make life simpler for myself I’ll simply journey a step-thru:

I don’t usually learn the feedback on YouTube movies I’m in, however I couldn’t assist however discover this one:

I do not know if he’s severe or not, however there are individuals who assume this manner, which is ironic as a result of have you ever checked out a mountain bike just lately?

Not solely is the highest tube simply as little as any mixte, nevertheless it additionally has soft shock absorbers throughout it so you are feeling as little as doable it doesn’t matter what you’re using, and even a seat that goes up and down so that you don’t damage your widdwe pee-pee.

However, , by some means it is a MAN’S BIKE, as a result of it’s for SHREDDING and SENDING IT or one thing, although each of these verbs sound like they need to apply to belongings you’d purchase at Staples.

Woosies.

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