Tour de France Will get Extremely-Artistic In 2024

The route of the Tour de France appears to have hit the airwaves formally at the moment and there’s a LOT to cowl. Since issues are transferring quickly, I’ll toss out what for me stand out because the highlights

Stage 1: Wait, we’re in Italy? For the TOUR?!

I’ve lengthy surmised, based mostly on nothing greater than a listing of outdated Tour routes, that they needed nothing to do with Italian something if they might assist it. Possibly it was a petty rivalry with the Giro d’Italia, or not a lot petty as merely sensible — the world doesn’t want a French Giro when it already has a (normally spectacular) Italian one? That’s the beneficiant studying. The likelier situation is that Henri Desgranges is rolling over in his grave. Anyway, now we are going to know what it’s like for Canadian followers to look at hockey video games performed in Arizona.

[Side note: Rimini? Is the Tour currying favor with its temporary hosts by doing a Pantani tribute stage? Was this negotiated into the deal for the Grand Départ? Sigh…]

Stage 2: It’s the Giro dell’Emilia Tribute Stage!!!

There’s an outdated Simpson’s bit the place Homer responds to one in all his children feeling ignored by society with “I’m between the ages of 18 and 45, everybody listens to me!” and he pulls out a product known as “nuts and gum: collectively ultimately!” That is just about how I really feel proper now. The Giro dell’Emilia and the Tour de France. Collectively ultimately.

Stage 4: It’s the 1949 Giro Tribute Stage!!!

OK, now they’re simply trolling me. The stage begins in Pinerolo, ending level of the well-known stage 17 of the 1949 Giro the place Coppi went on his solo trip for the ages, and reverses that course over Sestriere and Montgenèvre, earlier than breaking off for a “fuck it, we’re simply driving the Galibier” monster stage, earlier than the riders have had time to get used to being again on French soil. I suppose they might have caught with the bit longer and performed the Izoard and Vars climbs (Vars reveals up in week 3), however you received’t hear me complaining. I might be too busy yelling at everybody to purchase Dino Buzzati’s books.

Stage 9: Gravel Is The whole lot Now

Should you weren’t certain that this was the least conventional Tour ever, properly… we are going to get to that extra in a bit. However that is one other brick in that wall.

And it’s every kind of good. The riders appear to like it, and are fairly used to bits of off-roading by now anyway. It’s stage 9, early sufficient to not seal the race however late sufficient for the opening nerves and crashiness to have worn off. It’s going to have a 99.9% approval score, a stage even Roger De Vlaeminck can’t complain about. And the bike business might be positively giddy properly previous the following relaxation day.

A number of Levels: They’re Going The place?!?

Sorry if this isn’t a fantastic map, however… the place are these locations? What are these climbs?

This Tour has in all probability fewer outdated requirements than any I can bear in mind. Effectively, the Pyrénéen phases are fairly recognizable, however after that, actually solely the Galibier stands out. Le Lioran? Superdévoluy? Isola 2000? Col de Couillole? Even among the repeats are nonetheless uncommon, just like the Cime de la Bonette.

That is all excellent news to me. I’m not going to geek out on track profiles; I’ve spent sufficient years getting too enthusiastic about “take a look at that line on my pc! It’s actually going up!!” to only do that out of context. What strikes me although is that the riders received’t know plenty of these roads and should take care of going off any form of script. That alone ought to make for incredible racing.

Stage 21 AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME!!!

Sorry however I simply can’t react to this being the ultimate stage with out lapsing into profanity. In a great way.

I get that they’re skipping Paris for the primary time ever — the final word break with custom in all the sport of biking. It’s concerning the Olympics. Or about Parisians getting one Sunday again from the visitors insanity related to internet hosting sporting occasions, earlier than the shit actually hits the fan. [Presumably all of Paris will have escaped by then, and in fact the lack of a Tour finishing stage gives them an excuse to leave even sooner.]

However this may in all probability be the only most essential stage of the Tour, given how tight even the largest mountain phases are typically raced lately (lo, the Roglification!). It’s the longest of the 2 TTs by 10km, and it features a good bit of climbing, to the purpose the place it would pressure everybody again onto their common highway bike, or one thing near it.

It doesn’t need to be shades of 1989 per se, it’s not like we haven’t had a great deal of decisive cronos on the eve of Paris. But when the largest issues popping out of 2023 have been that Jumbo have been too dominant and the race was over a bit early, all of those wrinkles, the stability of expertise together with off-road ones, capped off with a ultimate day mountain ITT, ought to remedy these “issues” in a dramatic approach.

General Ranking: A++

I wish to assume I’m hard-headed in assessing the Tour course, at the least in contrast to some different races the place I lack all objectivity. So I suppose that is my approach of claiming, technique to get inventive, ASO! Finally the riders will determine the race and thrilling racing doesn’t all the time observe thrilling course design, however this might be an extremely refreshing expertise if there’s any form of a GC battle occurring in any respect. I completely like it.

What say ye?