Why Cannot a Boy Have a Taylor Swift Birthday Get together?

Likelihood is, you’ve been invited to a Taylor Swift celebration (or two or three or 12) this yr as a result of if there’s one factor the celebrity has, it’s multigenerational attraction. I’m a millennial mother and a longtime Swiftie—and in some way, my 5-year-old twins and all their associates appear to like the singer simply as a lot as I do. 

Because of Swift’s large reputation, individuals are hardly ever shocked after they hear my daughter is an enormous fan. However once I point out that my son loves Swift too—and he routinely jams out to “Prepared For It?” Nicely, that’s when individuals begin to have completely different reactions.

So, I wasn’t terribly shocked once I noticed a TikTok from Jolene Dolo (@jolenedolo), which is all about one other father or mother’s response to Dolo throwing her son a Taylor Swift-themed celebration at his request.

“My son is having a Taylor Swift celebration and yesterday I obtained a textual content message from a father or mother of a kid who was invited letting us know that their baby won’t be attending as a result of it’s ‘towards their beliefs,’” Dolo says within the TikTok.

“I used to be a bit of shocked as a result of [we] dwell in a fairly progressive space, so most individuals don’t say issues to my face after they have an issue,” Dolo tells Dad and mom. “I get loads of hate on-line, however not so much in our actual life. I additionally by no means knew RSVPs to be greater than only a ‘sure’ or ‘no.’ I consider ‘no’ is an entire sentence, particularly once I don’t know you want that.”

Dolo questioned if she ought to ask the father or mother to elaborate however, in the end, determined towards it. 

The textual content message Dolo obtained leaves room for ambiguity, for certain, but it surely’s additionally not terribly troublesome to extrapolate that this father or mother might have had a difficulty with—gasp—a boy selecting a Swift theme to have a good time his massive day.

“I by no means clarified [the parent’s reasons for claiming this is against their belief system],” Dolo says. “[Some people suggested] the household [may be] Jehovah’s Witnesses and didn’t have a good time birthdays, and that’s a legitimate thought…however I do know the household celebrates birthdays as a result of I’ve had a passing convo about birthday venues with the mother as soon as.”

Dolo included further context (and, I would add, some fairly implausible celebration inspo) in a subsequent TikTok in regards to the occasion. In that clip, she acknowledged there could also be different causes at play, like spiritual or political opinions, and even only a robust aversion to Swift.

However whereas assumptions in regards to the that means behind the opposite father or mother’s textual content are simply that, assumptions, this entire situation opens up a dialog that should be had. There’s little doubt that boys who’re massive followers of Swift, or Ariana Grande, or Beyonce, or Disney Princesses, or Marvel Girl are undoubtedly regarded in a sure method—and Dolo’s tackle why this occurs is so spot on, it stopped me in my tracks.

“Our son has at all times preferred the beautiful issues in life, so we’re very used to folks and folks gendering issues like garments and hobbies and toys,” she says in her TikTok. “I do know that Taylor Swift could be very ‘girly pop’. I simply was questioning if it really works each methods: are little ladies not allowed to take heed to male artists?”

She goes on to elucidate, “As a result of I’ve additionally discovered it sort of bizarre that we don’t need boys liking girls like that, or wanting as much as girls…as a result of ladies are allowed to look as much as ladies, and ladies are allowed to look as much as boys. However boys aren’t allowed to look as much as ladies. It’s virtually such as you suppose it could be a downgrade for them to look as much as girls.”

Dolo is correct: The time period “tomboy” doesn’t carry a pejorative connotation, however once we speak about boys who’re into issues we’ve been socially conditioned to search out “girly” or “female”? Nicely, the labels they obtain are so offensive that I received’t even listing them right here. It’s time to unpack that double customary—which, at face worth, appears to be one of many solely gendered concepts that really favors ladies…that’s till you cease to essentially take into account its deeper implications.

“I consider it comes from misogyny,” Dolo tells Dad and mom. “Society tends to view girls and the issues we do as lower than what males do and like. That’s why most individuals received’t bat an eye fixed at a lady having a Harry Kinds birthday, or having fun with sports activities. It’s seen as an improve for girls to be ‘not like different ladies’ as a result of society doesn’t like ladies. We like boys to look at girls however we don’t like them to look up to them.”

She could be on to one thing there—and that should change.